A Reprise

so fast, and something has sort of turned inside of me, and I feel listless.. So my thoughts have turned to what I will do to occupy myself the next couple of months, I have much I am going to create. Besides my novel, many small craftings to express my feelings but also to hone my skills. I have been turning sort of desperately lately to the idea of a Guardian Angel. And I have felt very weak myself, sort of pale and passive. Hm is it the things I read, or am I turning to read these things because I feel this way? It is this season coming forward. It is the hollow inner space, here is a snow globe with no warm and glowing hearth inside of my heart, when you shake it, it only looks like a blizzard. And then I think I have been wrong, I should have had children of my own and made a glowing hearth, not that I am by any means beyond that possibility but my mind, no, my mind, I would be like one of those Victorian women going mad at the thought of bearing children. Some people are ...

I am trying to work on some Ecto formatting problems, hoping to make my blog more readable. An offline blog editor is an absolute essential for me. Since acquiring a Mac, I have not found anything satisfactory. I have switched to HTML Editor Mode, hoping the editor will not put "br" tags between my paragraphs and double-space them anymore. It is possible to remove these in my in-browser Blogger interface, but I might as well be saving my entries to a text file and copy-pasting when online if this is the case, rendering this not-free software useless. The Mac switch has been a tricky adjustment for me. I have always used Windows-based computers and am used to a great deal more control over my files than I now have. I first encountered the "Apple" culture on my iPhone which was basically the only option available to me when my last Treo died, and Palm was no longer a part of my plan. I loved the fast browsing and brilliant visuals. My Treo looked like an 8-bit game ...

Torrents of rain falling, tremendous energy But it's so incredibly comforting The wind is so fierce but feels so friendly I feel locked in its embrace

Because I find that you are always on my heels. As soon as I find resolution with one problem, it disappears, and then I am presented with another problem. So I say, what way can I twist to rid myself of this cramp, is there some way I can contort myself such that in the worst case scenario I can still manage. And amazing even though I know I'm not approaching this problem in the right way, I do always come up with a way to twist myself, and I realize I am re-inventing myself, I am re-inventing myself to run away from a monster, but somehow it works. I face the monster and I say, here is my arsenal, and I lay out my weapons before him, I lay out my philosophies and my loves and desires and dreams and say, here, this is not something you can be or understand. And then I win that battle, and then there's another monster to face me. What do you do when there is this kind of problem within yourself, where these monsters will always come. What can I write, what can I craft, what can...