A Reprise

 

Tonight I resumed knitting my black shirt, sitting on the front porch. Then, I walked down to the pond and there I saw a large vulture devouring a snake. I uncovered many more thoughts, and half-finished thoughts, and more of what I don't know, about what is important to me and my feelings about people, and the earth. I thought about who and what I long to be.

Urban deconstruction , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. My fave places are once-urban places that have been taken over by nature. Like this parking lot that is mostly not visible anymore.

Sunflowers blowing , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr.

November sun flowers , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr.

When I stepped outside this morning the first thing I felt was the wind, loving me. I breathed deeply and leaned into his embrace. He said, you're not alone, you're as un-alone as can be, I'm here. I went to be outside at lunch-time. There were sunflowers blooming, and I was so happy to see them there despite the drought. The sun shone intermittently and made me feel alive. The wind blew, troubling me, but I reminded myself that it was alive, and that it was change. The summer is nearly over, and this spirit is transforming the earth.

The way the air feels today is the way your face feels when the breeze cools your tears, when you've finally cried, after a long, dry time of suffering.

First chick , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. Cinderella's first chick, started hatching yesterday. This morning it was peeping like crazy but its legs are still in the egg.

Cinderella brooding , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. It would be so fun to have baby chicks... I hope she stays with it.

Over the fence , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr.

Blackberry vines , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. The flowers on the blackberry vines are starting to bloom. I can't wait to have blackberries this summer.

I went to my garden and saw my plants and watered them. I never go near then without getting on hands and knees and inhaling the sweet and bitter scents of my various herbs. They liked me. I felt them welcome me. When I came near them and cared for them I realized I was no longer alone. The same when I passed my old porcelain doll and saw her pallid face glaring in the darkness, as mine does from old photos. I held her and realized that when I am with plants or a doll, I am not alone, yet when I am actually not alone, I am alone. I reflected how I am a solitary person, and to interfere with this is to give me acute pain not easily healed. If you would poison me, surround me with mediocre minds. Their banal words and transparent thoughts are bitterer than rue. Pointless conversation topics and meaningless words I feel to my very soul, as though it is my own breath expelled and stolen from good use forever. Truth and beauty are their monsters in the closet, the other side of the mi...

    Outside the sewing room, under the porch. It crossed my mind that that might be mouse fur in the nest from one of Reginald's kills. I am saving all my loose bits of thread for next spring. I'll distribute them at Imbolc, hoping that I will find bits of those colors in birds' nests. In folk wisdom to save your loose bits of threads in a bottle is to create a charm of protection. Perhaps the charm will work on the birds instead.

Henry's wound is healing nicely. He has adopted an air of pensive melancholy since the incident.   Things I made. Rye bread, and two cloth bread bags. Yellow cupcakes and a cake stand liner. I'm trying to decorate. I never finished decorating for Easter, but these are some vintage cards.   I tried something different for the bathroom curtain. I tried making an oven mitt from my own pattern, but it didn't work. I'm going to try again though. Birds building a nest outside the sewing room. And the biddies. Left to right: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty (possibly Prince Charming), Beauty, Snow White. Look at those feathers. They are getting plump now too.