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I've been having a lot of ups and downs lately. Studying for comps has been rough. I get burned out; then, it's hard to stay caught up. I waste a lot of time just trying to get the work done. 

I've been struggling with my clothes and my hobbies, too. Because things are still really bad with the pandemic, I don't go out much anymore, unless it's to the park to walk. When I actually dress up nice to go to somewhere public, I end up hating my clothing. Pieces I used to love I have ended up throwing in the trash at the end of the evening because they look so worn-out, not even good enough to donate to Goodwill. I don't like the styles I used to wear. I also really don't like the styles that are popular right now. I look at lookbooks on YouTube, but they often boil down to either youth culture styles or middle-age-lady styles, neither of which I want to emulate.

I do feel really attracted to the scene emo styles that are still around, but not the Bermuda shorts-midriff-big eyebrows look that seems to be the more mainstream youth culture style. 

I really don't have to go out to pasture yet with my look, either. I'm still in. 

I pretty much like everything Hot Topic sells clothing-wise. It's not really goth, like it used to be. 

I discovered Mad Molly on YouTube, and I'm crazy about her style and aesthetic. It's actually been helping me figure out what to put into my look. Slowly. 

It's just... crazy because this girl is twenty...

And yeah... I'm like so much older. 

But...

I'm telling myself if I like this style, there's got to be a way I can learn from her looks and get pieces that I feel right in. 

Hobby-wise I'm like, okay, there's really nothing I can do right now. I can just try to stay calm and keep open a space for when I do have time. I'm hanging on to all my stuff because it will still be there when I'm done. 

I have been reading books and magazines about studio spaces and fantasizing about turning the shed into my studio space. It would have no light, no electricity, and I wouldn't be able to use it in the summer due to the excessive heat, but I would just like to have a space like that. Offload a lot of my creative supplies out there. Scrapbooking. Embroidery. Do photography shoots there too, since it has good natural light. It's really industrial-looking, which is kind of what I want. The kind of space where you can... definitely spray-paint up the walls if you want. 

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