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This cup not mine

 

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I wonder if it can really be true that I am not meant to know or be intimate with my Creator. That I will spend a lifetime wandering, eating, concerned with my own life, while my Creator’s face is never revealed to me.

This morning I felt my Creator’s love. I felt it many times over this week. It has been a difficult week as I have struggled with depression, and I have had certain breaks in luck, and I have caught myself and looked at those breaks and thought, I don’t know how I would have gotten through without this or that to light my path this day or that day. These things must be the work of some divine creator watching over me, but I don’t know how to connect with this creator.

Internally I am wracked with frustration. I have studied religion. I have tried to pray. But it seems that this cup is not mine. I have no mind to understand my Creator, no matter what I read or how I try to communicate.

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