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Can't breathe

The dim shadows of happiness, the little bits and pieces of idea, the little flickers and flares. I was going to put them together. I was going to re-craft Cambriel. I was going to sew some more and stitch the industrial patterns I found this weekend of granaries and windmills. I love those things.

Life has a way of making you deal with it. I thought if I crafted myself coldly this morning somehow I would survive, but while there are no serious exterior conflicts, inwardly I am crumbling.

I need the grass and sun. I need someone or something to tell me it will all be okay. This morning my talismans of bravery are cold black business attire and t.a.t.u. It's not enough, but it has to be, and so it is, and what glues it all together and makes it work is this insidious pain at my heart, the sacrifice to make this everyday day just normal.

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