Skip to main content

The ball of the beasts

They were dancing, dozens of men and women, in tattered costumes that looked as though they had moldered in attic trunks for a hundred years or more. I knew not one among them, but I stared raptly at the largest gathering of people I had seen in years.

The source of the music was an old crank phonograph, loud even above the talk and laughter. No one seemed to notice me, so I drew closer to watch. The dance tune it played was lively, but hectic would be a better description for it than cheerful, and the flaws in the record the phonograph played rasped and crackled as loudly as the music, making it sound as dilapidated as the dancers' costumes, as the room itself.

Spread along one wall was a tempting assortment of sweets. Where had they secured this repast? I looked at the food hungrily. I had probably forgotten what such treats tasted like. They would be better than I could imagine. I found myself drifting into the room.

Finally someone noticed me. A woman in a watered silk gown of rose mauve, with long, curling black hair and eyes like coals. Her lips curved in a smile of welcome I had not expected. My eyes widened, and I stared.

She turned to her dancing partner, whose gold hair was bound in a queue and whispered something to him with a sly look. As her eyes drifted back to me I colored, certain somehow she must be mentioning my intrusion.

It was very poor manners to barge into a party this way, uninvited... once. But if only I could speak to someone, ask what this was about, I would not trespass further. I only wanted to speak to someone.

The reel ended. There was crackle through the horn that reminded me of electricity, which was only a distant memory to me. The couple broke apart, and the dark-haired woman moved toward me purposefully.

As I met her gaze I felt a brief shock.
Her black eyes were like two bottomless pits.

Popular posts from this blog

Snow White and the Prince

I dreamed in darkness, cold and alone. Phantasms shifted around me, frightening me, but I was powerless to escape them or even move, as I was sealed in a casket. I thought of the Queen, my Stepmother, and tears dripped from my eyes as I considered the quasi-poignant moments we had once shared, when we might have been considered to be close, when the Queen had nearly been a mother to me, and the face of love had shone radiantly upon me, before eclipsed again by the storms of Venus. I thought of the huntsman, stung to consider that my only friend had been poised to betray me, to kill me, and again in my mind I felt the horror of his shadow, of waiting while he came behind me, knowing there was no escape for me from a death he would inflict. My heart lifted as images of the Prince entered my mind, his grace atop a white-maned horse, always out of my reach, just beyond the words I longed to speak. If only there had been more time for us to fall in love. He might have saved me from those...

Where does it lie

I look out onto the yellow and brown vegetation beneath my window, at the castle-like buildings far away and wonder where do I lie in all of this? There was a time when I was unfettered. This was a time before I entered the working world, before I was independent. My heart was free as a bird when I was in college. I did not know what happiness I experienced in my creativity because I had never known different. In other aspects of my life I knew pain but my stories, sprung up lately from a gothic mist into an immersing Pre-Raphaelite painting, were a richness and the most beautiful thing I had ever known. That the most beautiful thing I knew to exist happened inside of me made me very happy, even though I didn't know it. Now I know the sun is setting, even though I can't see it, because the bank of brown, twisted trees and shrubs is lit gold, like a reflection from a golden chalice. Slowly, slowly it will fade until everything is a homogenous, uncertain gray. This is the nightma...

The day was described as unseasonably warm

The day is so beautiful, but I do not feel beautiful. I feel like a void. The world will not be any more beautiful if I go into the park and enjoy the sunshine. The birds will still sing whether I go or stay, and this person does not seem capable of feeling any kind of happiness. I have been going through old entries, and find the same things I have always found when doing this. I have the same feelings and interests as I always did, I feel the same pressures and struggles as ever. I have been tagging things, but it is a never-ending task. I have nearly 800 posts in this journal alone, to say nothing of paper journals and other notes on the Internet. I thought I would organize my notes because I do not feel capable of imbibing any kind of information or communicating anything of importance. However, I am tired. I did not sleep well last night. It is as though at some point years ago I lost some sleep, and I have been losing it ever since. I have a strange, lost feeling when I thi...