A Reprise

Morning in Houston Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde .

The sights I see Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . No words can capture quickly enough the causes for wonder before me. All winter this spot has lain as a dry plain. Now there is a train of little ducks across its surface. There are a black and a white egryt, and sparrows keep landing on the water reeds and bending them down till they're almost dunked.

My Oates book on writing has me thinking: what are my passions? Sexual identity crisis, loving passionately the unlovable and unacceptable, your identity surrendered to something much greater and darker than yourself. I am only just starting to realize the reasons I write, and her book won't help me improve my style, but realizing why I keep putting myself through this is the most important thing after all.

What I have read of Windflowers so far surprises me. The changes I need to make are surface-based only. I can find no flaws in the logistics. It is joyous to find over a hundred intact pages of mine that require no more than minimal correction. And to think I wrote them six years ago. It's most fortuitous.

Analog clock Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde .

Nathan drives the Navigator Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . Nathan drives the Navigator home on my birthday weekend.

I am reading Robert Louis Stevenson's Essays in the Art of Writing. It is so boring, but I will do whatever I can to improve my work. The Oates book isn't much better. I should be grateful that any writer is willing to reveal the inner workings of his craft. I wouldn't want to write a book on it. I have been sending multimedia messages all over the place, and I'm afraid the extra charges on my phone bill will be ghastly.

Why is it? When I was poor and went through various phases of hand-me-downs, my mother's old clothes, and in college graduated to Wal-mart, it was one thing, but as this well-to-do young scientist I am still spending all my money on books and hobby supplies. I'm such a dork. I've got to get some cuter clothes, argh, I do feel so shabby when I see my threadbare lingerie and faded blacks. I love fashion in theory but I never have had time to keep up with it. I have a failure rate of 45-50% on every purchase, too, but I'm improving. I need new black pants and dark skirts. I think buying white skirts or hose is a mistake: it never looks good. I want the new white summer dress from Delia's and the puffy bloomer shorts from Alloy. I also want a light-colored lingerie-style swimsuit, but those can be tricky. My current suits are dark and dowdy, and I want something new for Las Vegas. I must repair my peach dress. It is the best piece of clothing I have. I want more vintage

I thought this flower looked just like a scoop of ice cream. It's making me hungry just thinking about it. Everywhere there is the scent of honeysuckle, but I still haven't seen it. I want to have so many things: a rose garden, and a tea room. My small court of flowers is sufficient, but I am capable of maintaing so much more. For now I am very happy with the porch and dining room, but I dream of the kind of rooms I write about in "Windflowers." I think I can improve my story a great deal. It is a really unusual one, but it is clearer than ever to me what to say. Dante is a fey scientist: he uses magic and science together to create living dolls, copies of other people to fill his lonely existence.

This evening I wrote a long entry on what I thought of "The Glass House"-- formerly, Love Among the Shadows, and Love's Shadow. I realized what I need to focus about the story, what I should omit, and discussed what needs to be said in the story. I have a better perspective about it. At Coffee Haus today I started revisions on it, and did work on Hildegarde: geocities.com/ladyhildegarde. All the links work now, and I am getting better at writing a nonlinear story. The more I write, the clearer it becomes what more I should do. I see it as a prequel to "The Glass House." Okay, I am a little tired of being a good girl and doing productive things for my future. Look at this angel: theorientdoll.us. I need to stop visiting the forum, because I do not have a need for another doll. I feel like acquiring them is a vice: it should have been enough for me to have one, and I already have three. But this one is an angel. He is really small, but my doll collection is alread

Sprouts Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . I am getting sprouts. Hopefully they are carnations. It is such a beautiful spring day. It's good I'm taking the chance to come outside: I have craved a moment to reflect on something beautiful.

Poor little clams Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . The poor little clams from Alice in Wonderland. P.S. I finished the raven. Yes!