A Reprise

I said... Como estas? This is interesting, not being able to talk to someone. I forgot to ask her name. I thought all last evening about how to ask. I can understand Spanish quite well but can't speak it well at all. I can understand everything she says as long as she keeps to simple pleasantries. Then again I have trouble uttering things in English most of the time too.

(7/18) To sleep, perchance to dream, ay there's the rub, For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause; William Shakespeare, Hamlet

I have not let it die in me, that desire to create. I have worked very hard to make time for it each day and I write, even if sometimes it isn't very good. I made a great breakthrough today with The Siren and I think I can finally finish it. I think I will put this on my domain name. Winter light has been too long without content, and there is no reason not to.

My walk through River Legacy in late summer

I know the classical station is not playing the Star Wars theme. Off. I love the new Sony UX. My only questions are, can I write a novel on it, and is it Vista ready? Anyway, I would not buy one until it had Vista, since I wouldn't want to buy that separately. ... Not that I am actually in the market for a new computer.

But I prefer the idea of thrusting off my mortal coil in disdain and charging forth into celestial aether, not shuffling it off like a weary creature shedding its skin. I misattributed and misremembered the quote, but I like to think my idea was more like Shelley's philosophy.

I will thrust off this mortal coil Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . This is possibly a misquote of Shelley. I don't remember where I heard it, though. "Vanity is an evil disease" read Hester Prynne's sampler. As you can see, my handwriting is not improving. Part of the problem is that, because I am left-handed, I do not actually believe it can.

I see why Henry likes the closet so much. I felt so much peace there last night looking through my old journals. It's so warm, too! It was, in fact, the only peace I really felt. Otherwise I was bothered by all the things I should do. So, I felt a little bit of peace in the closet, and I watched fifteen more minutes of Orphans in the Storm, which set my heart aflame. Louise is posed to look like a Waterhouse maiden. It is unmistakable: the loose, waifish dress, the long brown hair bound by a band across the forehead. When I saw her (Dorothy Gish) it gave me chills just as if one of those paintings had come to life. I am going to write an essay about it for what will soon become A Garden of Virtues, my site, and include comparison pictures. They are having a silent film festival at the Starbucks museum thing this Friday night-- but I will not mourn, I will try not to. It would not be fun to go to alone.

We all live many lives, and I am certainly not the first to say that. Lately this journal has fallen silent because I have been undergoing such an internal renovation. I have been keeping all kinds of journals, scrapbooks and photo logs lately, but I have been accomplishing the simultaneous goal of staying off the Internet, and so while all my records are electronic, they are not shared. I still intend to use my blogs and photo journals online, but it is never really convenient for me to get on the computer, so I don't update them nearly as often. My internal life seems to grow ever more complex. There was a time when I thought of a new thing I wanted to do every day, and so I started writing them down. I felt hopeless about ever actually getting around to them, but little by little I have been attempting them. I feel more and more each day like I am returning to the time where I created without questioning what I would do with my creations. The years have seemed to fall away and

Two things, one that listening to House of Flying Daggers is driving me mad. I cannot think of anything but the erhu when I hear it, and I become dumb to all other things. One thing that occurred to me this morning is that I learned to play the piano because I love music, but I want to play the erhu because I love the erhu. It seem like more than a vessel for music, but an end to itself. I am so filled with passion for it I want to place my ad for a teacher this very day, but I feel my life is still too hectic, and I need to prepare a place in my time for the lessons. The other thing is that I am declaring with finality that if I don't settle on a single story and finish I will never be published. I have had such a heart for Viktoria's Dance and Windflowers but I must remind myself that every day I mourn and lament because I am caged. If I send off my completed novels and at least try to be published I will feel a little better about my windowless prison. I can still conceive

As we approach Dallas Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . The sun is setting as we approach Dallas. We have been with it all day driving, and now our vacation is over. I am sad that this week has come to an end, I feel I have lived several in its expanse.

I dreamed last night that I had Maiden Fair Hair's gown. I guess I have been really dreaming of making it lately with all the proper hair accessories. The gown was made of exactly the same material, a lavender/blue two toned satin with small lace trim. The question is, where would I wear such a dress? It would only work for a scifi/fantasy convention.

Wares for sale Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . The first coffee shop-like thing I've seen since beginning this trip. I could not resist the chance to sit inside this tent and enjoy my coffee. They have public journals at their makeshift tables where you can record your thoughts for everyone to see, but I pretty much have that covered. I have not blogged much on this journey, though I have been documenting everything in my journal, which is more convenient, and taking a lot of photographs, to make a travelogue when we return. I only have one little bar right now, so it may be a very long time till you see this image

Route 66 Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde . Waylan's the Kuku Burgers in Miami, OK. Route 66.