A Reprise

Fire depts. showed up , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. The fire depts. from Crowley, Rendon and Everman came. Even though it may look like the deep country here, I'm glad it's not. City services here are good. They used the hydrant outside our home, stayed all afternoon. There was even a police car and ambulance. At the beginning though watching the fire trucks drive right into the flames was terrifying. I realized how dangerous it really is. They did not hold back and hose it down. They jumped off the truck and went right into it. It was more stressful than I even realized at the time, still trying to take in all I saw yesterday. The only casualty was Nathan's tractor. The policeman said if we put new tires and belts on it it would probably be fine. It will be a while till he does anything with it, but I think he will go back to it in a while when the drought is over.

WTF Amanda you tool what was all this crap about sweeping floors in a coffee shop and living the bohemian life 'cause you don't need a career to feel validated why so silent and depressed WTF First and Second Gardens Chickens What I am reading What I am writing (or thinking about writing) WTF thought you were going to sew your own clothes and stuff and embroider every day and sit out on your truck and WTF Okay, okay. #1 I have let myself get a little upset about some extenuating circumstances, but I am okay now, I really, really did not like my Plan B but in the past few days I have really started warming up to it, and I think I might even be able to put my love into it. I have put so much love into Plan A, loved it with all of my heart, but it's not giving me any love back. Ha ha, oddly reading Bride of the Water God is turning my mind (See #4 below) from this narrow-minded thinking and seeing what harm can come when it doesn't love you back.  So now that I am ...

First chick , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. Cinderella's first chick, started hatching yesterday. This morning it was peeping like crazy but its legs are still in the egg.

Cinderella brooding , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. It would be so fun to have baby chicks... I hope she stays with it.

Over the fence , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr.

Blackberry vines , a photo by ladyhildegarde on Flickr. The flowers on the blackberry vines are starting to bloom. I can't wait to have blackberries this summer.

I was reflecting on what it means to be spring. The earth is ancient, and it is brand-new. Right now. These signs of new life have no memory of the previous season. They never knew the bitter parch of last summer or the snow of winter. The earth is new. Today I consider the path I have chosen, or maybe the inevitable path for me. Unable to trust the institutions of others, I just listen. I try, like the earth, to be old and new at the same time. Sometimes I find a path or a similar mind that gives me confidence. For example today, I saw this quote attributed to Buddha, "If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him." And I also engage in that delicately balancing practice. I walk with my hand open. I do not close it. I do not close it on someone. I do not close it on itself. I just walk with my hand open, welcoming the understanding that comes from the pain of loneliness, welcoming the joy that comes from fellowship. I am not saying I am perfect, but I try to be...

Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde Chevre and I enjoyed the almost-normal temperatures while appreciating the remains of snow and ice.

They made it! Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde I didn't know if they were going to live. I wasn't really sure how to deal with an extreme freeze like this one. I thought if it came down to it I would bring their half-frozen little forms into the house and confine them somehow. Nathan and I took turns replacing their frozen water with liquid water. At some points I saw them eating snow. But on the whole they acted just like they always do. And they continued to provide one egg a day. During the day they would step down and peck in the grass. At night they roosted. And it was ten degrees for three days straight. It looks as though now that they are protected from predators they will be with me for a long time. Prince Charming attacks our arms when we feed or water them.

Winter morning Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde This morning when I stepped out to walk Chevre, the light was golden and almost warm. It seemed our icy world would finally thaw.

I'm sharing a cup of tea with my hen who disappeared yesterday when I found some dogs on our property. I have been grieving her all day, as Snow White has been missing for nearly two weeks now. When Nathan gets home Beauty will go in the shed with the other chickens, and they will never be outside unprotected again. It may be wrong, but I completely hate dogs now.

Another day of rain... My garden will love this. We bought a couch and love seat today... drove it home in the rain. Now I have to get some reviews done, with black tea and coconut M&M's. Keeping the dream alive, bidding on a 1935 cross stitch pattern and myriad dress patterns. I realized today that I am not comfortable with excessive ruffles And bows. It was a groundbreaking realization as far as my dressmaking. I hope the chickens are okay... I see no sign of them.

Love to my precious animals.

  I have not shared any photos of my chickens since they have grown. Till recently I kept them in the shed, but that wasn't working out. This summer has been unusually hot, and they were panting constantly. I couldn't even keep them in water because it kept evaporating. So one day I just opened the barn door and they walked directly into my life, and have upended our household. It feels like our land is now ruled by these chickens. Prince Charming, and Cinderella, most likely the layer of all these eggs. The two are constant companions.   Beauty, and Snow White.     In the evening, they perch on the fence, and one by one fly up into a large oak in the front yard. They settle in for the night. In the morning, Prince Charming is the first to rise. Right now, he begins crowing at about 5 a.m. Now that I have begun doing my embroidery in the morning, I am awake before him. While embroidering, I am listening to Shirley , by Charlotte Bronte. I am awed by Librivo...

  Our home is filled with animals which provide the best company I have ever known. They look at me, nod, with an unmistakable "What's up?" message on their faces when I walk into the room. They fight with each other, especially Olive (above), but what they seem to love most is to hang out with us.

Ugh, I want to write so bad but I have to go to the store. Yuck! Yesterday I felt dreadful. Today I feel a little better. The brightness of the sun, some new people in my work environment. The planets tilted a little bit, and suddenly my plane is not enshrouded in shadow. Last night I felt such darkness. It seemed from every position I was hammered upon by some unsolvable problem. Still some of those phantasms loom, and they are hideous. But with every pain, every problem, every uncertainty, I become better able to bear pain, problems and uncertainties, which is fortunate, because as life advances, they become larger and worse, don't they? My perspective has shifted so greatly in the last week. My spirituality right now does not lie in history books. It does not lie in the alignment of the planets, and I don't think the Moon Phase has anything to do with me, except on the Full Moon my hair grows astronomically, and I have to spend an hour in the bathroom with the tweezers ...

I love to go out when the light is fading. I love it when we go to Burleson in the evening. There is a small old house that we pass, that seems to sag, and inside an amber light is always lit. The scalloped orange shade is always glowing and it gives me a sense I can't describe. I have a feeling the light has been lit in that way every evening for longer than I can imagine, and I feel such a deep curiosity about that sagging home and its inhabitants. The closest I can get is to say that I want to be beyond time in that way someday.

    Outside the sewing room, under the porch. It crossed my mind that that might be mouse fur in the nest from one of Reginald's kills. I am saving all my loose bits of thread for next spring. I'll distribute them at Imbolc, hoping that I will find bits of those colors in birds' nests. In folk wisdom to save your loose bits of threads in a bottle is to create a charm of protection. Perhaps the charm will work on the birds instead.