Skip to main content


There is a season, turn, turn, turn.

I loved that song as a child. I am discovering a new love for it now.

Monday I had what I described as a turning. I moved from feeling bleak and desolate to born and clear. Today my optimism rises even higher as I begin new projects and feel like I will have everything I ever wanted, or will want.

I am overwhelmed with clarity and newness. I have been wearing white to recognize how I feel inside. But soon I will wear colors again, and then I will wear black again. I know the autumn and winter will come. I don't know when. The cycle of my feelings moves in several months, maybe even two years.

Even as I recognize that this inner spring will turn I still feel its glow. I am this spring for the present.

Determined to continue my studies I have long left I took an older journal mostly blank for this break since I can't find my current journal. I turn to this entry,

Yesterday I taught 1st grade-- it was more trying than I even imagined. I wonder if I'll ever be able/invited (one word written over the other) to teach again there-- I hope so-- I learned so much it really seems like a shame to let it go to waste.

I thought it was interesting since I was in a kind of spring then. I had just graduated and was to struggle for freedom and independence. It is sad to remember everything after that happened after that entry. But it is hard to do differently than other people want. However I have learned much since then. I did the hard things. I did not become a little teacher. I did not work in the office of my family. I learned that I love freedom and how hard and cold it is.

Popular posts from this blog

Burke Cemetery

This cemetery was near Waterside. We wandered there after dinner. The first, and oldest, grave, mentioned in the historical marker.

Studying with Dolls

In the afternoons, I usually take my laptop or a book to the bed and study, and a doll for company. Gertrude is sitting on my bed desk. I got her in 2015 from the Korean doll company Dollmore. She's a "Flocke" sculpt. Willow is sitting with my headphones. She's made by the Chinese company Angel of Dream. I got her in 2013. She's a "Qing" sculpt.
Two older entries I edited tonight re-posted today's date. However, the original month/year is still visible in the permalink. Looking back on the past often makes me cringe, especially when I remember my own behavior. However, re-reading these entries makes me feel the past is accessible in the sense that I am still holding on to many of the same dreams and desires. This week, for comps, I read two early gothics, James Hogg's The Private Memoir and Confessions of a Justified Sinner , and Charles Brockden Brown's Edgar Huntly; or, a Sleep-Walker , which were very much along the lines of the books that absorbed me from 2005-2007, most of which I read on my Treo from Project Gutenberg. Looking back upon my interests and desires of that time sustains me now, when I have to tap into my reserves every day to keep reading.