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Turnings

There is a season, turn, turn, turn.

I loved that song as a child. I am discovering a new love for it now.

Monday I had what I described as a turning. I moved from feeling bleak and desolate to born and clear. Today my optimism rises even higher as I begin new projects and feel like I will have everything I ever wanted, or will want.

I am overwhelmed with clarity and newness. I have been wearing white to recognize how I feel inside. But soon I will wear colors again, and then I will wear black again. I know the autumn and winter will come. I don't know when. The cycle of my feelings moves in several months, maybe even two years.

Even as I recognize that this inner spring will turn I still feel its glow. I am this spring for the present.

Determined to continue my studies I have long left I took an older journal mostly blank for this break since I can't find my current journal. I turn to this entry,

1/23/02
Yesterday I taught 1st grade-- it was more trying than I even imagined. I wonder if I'll ever be able/invited (one word written over the other) to teach again there-- I hope so-- I learned so much it really seems like a shame to let it go to waste.

I thought it was interesting since I was in a kind of spring then. I had just graduated and was to struggle for freedom and independence. It is sad to remember everything after that happened after that entry. But it is hard to do differently than other people want. However I have learned much since then. I did the hard things. I did not become a little teacher. I did not work in the office of my family. I learned that I love freedom and how hard and cold it is.



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