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Many of Rasputina's songs consist of "This was a girl who lived long ago in [somewhere in America]." Inevitably, I want to go to those places, and find that girl. I feel like it's a common realm of imagination I share with her. She would understand how I see Blanche in the swamp, or Margaret in the pines.

Anyway, I wanted to go to Chicago and St. Louis to find Rusty the Skatemaker. I did. On her new album Perplexions she has a girl (with a jet-pack) exploring the North Pole. I want to find her, too. It doesn't exceed my passion to find Saline the Salt Lake Queen in the Great Salt Lake. That is my favorite story of hers. She surely must have seen the painting "The Magic Circle" by Waterhouse when she wrote it.

What I love about Melora Creager is that she is a singer of America. Her songs capture the very best of America and remind me of the things I love about it, when it is very hard to remember. She is also a singer about women's experiences, but that almost need not be said.

I have a new manga, "Real/Fake Princess." So far, I love it. It looks similar to "Land of Silver Rain," but I never could get into that one. This is the first Chinese manga I've read, and I love the Chinese costume and background. I am now determined to learn everything I can about historical Chinese dress. The best place I can do this is the Evans Library. Their books on costume are incredible. I see a study weekend in my future.

Well, it is hard to keep my spirits up this morning. I am determined not to give in to the negativity that surrounds me. It is so hard. Every resistance I make seems to make me even more vulnerable to another blow. I hate to hear others maligned. I hate to be scrutinized, criticized. I know I exist in a void where nothing I do will have permanence. My efforts at kindness will not stick but will be swept under the carpet.

I have to last. Hopefully I will not be sticking this out much longer.

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