Love this.
I wonder if people get me sometimes. I have always thought it sweet when people apologize for cursing in front of me, but fuck is like my favorite word.
I have always had hang-ups about how to deal with people. Like sometimes people will assume I'm really sweet and Christian and I'm like, um, so, are you going to like the real me?
I have a mish mash of ethics, hang-ups and personal beliefs that don't correspond to organized religion I've studied, so I try to just not worry about it.
It's funny too, when I'm in safe harbor is when I get so mad, in retrospect.
I have found a new barometer by which to judge my actions, or rather, it is an involuntary barometer that is improving me perhaps without my say. For every weak thing I do or begin to do, I ask myself if I would admire myself for it. I have felt so critical of myself lately, so ugly, so awful, and out of it has sprung this quest to improve myself. I don't want to become a slave to style magazines; rather, I could not admire myself for doing that. At the same time, I want to look right and decent and keep from embarrassing myself. I feel like my hygeine is always falling short, just like the housework. Every time I turn around, there's hair where hair shouldn't be, there's stuff under my toenails, my tee shirts are shrinking up and showing my stomach; to say nothing of my wildly oxidizing jewelry, scuffed shoes, &c. I don't understand why I don't see anyone else with these problems! Do they spend all their time at home cleaning their jewelry and ironing their