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What a day. I have been writing today on Victoria… I am so tired, so unbelievably tired, yet so frantic to write. Write what? Everything seems unraveled and yet all the pieces are there to ravel together. I can do that. I can understand. I could not before, when I could not see the way things were. The things that confused me about books I understand now. I am filled with a desire to write the right way… I am overwhelmed, and yet I must. I am so tired, but I cannot really rest.

I find it is really hard to fill in the missing pieces on my research. I am too tired to read about this stuff, but the stories need background. I wish I could find a concise book on care and feeding of a child. How does one care for a baby? Is it anything like a dog? How much do they eat a day, how fast do they grow, what is that teething stuff, and when do they start talking and walking? These are questions that need answers, for this story, and for every story there are dozens of questions about dozens of subjects. Even the subjects of interest to me... like the Puritans. How much was their society stratified? How did they really talk? Would a minister address a servant as an equal? I could fill this journal with questions, questions for every story.

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Two older entries I edited tonight re-posted today's date. However, the original month/year is still visible in the permalink. Looking back on the past often makes me cringe, especially when I remember my own behavior. However, re-reading these entries makes me feel the past is accessible in the sense that I am still holding on to many of the same dreams and desires. This week, for comps, I read two early gothics, James Hogg's The Private Memoir and Confessions of a Justified Sinner , and Charles Brockden Brown's Edgar Huntly; or, a Sleep-Walker , which were very much along the lines of the books that absorbed me from 2005-2007, most of which I read on my Treo from Project Gutenberg. Looking back upon my interests and desires of that time sustains me now, when I have to tap into my reserves every day to keep reading.