Life is too short not to follow my heart.
Whenever I realize what I should do I become filled with this remorse that I wasn't doing it sooner. I regret that I didn't have the desire sooner. I can't do what I do without the desire.
Today I started Twilight, and today was the first day of a whole week in which I am totally convinced that whatever I have been doing spiritually for the past several years has been empty and suffering. I'm going to follow my heart now. I'm going my own way. When my life is at an end, there won't be anyone around me to criticize me. I won't have to face accusing eyes or listen to tiresome arguments. When life is at an end, there will be only me, and I thought this morning, life is too short not to pursue what has been burning in my heart since I read a literary criticism of Snow White one night late in Hart, and first heard of the Maiden, the Mother and the Crone and felt the deep truth within that concept, and in the eight or so years since have felt the lie overspreading the society around me, the system that crushed that truth which brings balance into the world.
Faced with that simple undoing truth, I myself am undone, I am at a loss, I am without religion, but I am not without belief.
This week is the first whole week in which I live in awareness of what it is that I truly believe.