I need to be true to myself.
I do not need to put up with someone else making me uncomfortable or offering me friendship with the occasional pricking thorn.
I need to have boundaries.
I am okay with being alone for a while.
I don't bring out the best in others, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Would it be true friendship if I never knew you took some consolation in my slight ugliness?
I would rather be alone in that case.
I'd rather read Christina Rossetti.
It is my fate to feel like I am doing something wrong when I stand up for myself. Last week I felt guilty. This week is no different. Bring it on, then. I am still standing.
I ate Chinese food with my co-workers yesterday, and that was fun. It was good to be un-alone for a while.
My heart is so sad.
Let it be sad, then. Let me feel what is really happening to me. Let me see the world around me, and let me call it as it really is.
I would rather that than build a feeling on lies one more time. I would rather hurt and stand alone against the wind than sacrifice my self-respect for the sake of fitting somewhere.
Sometimes the only place I fit is the coffee shop, and that's okay.
I'm telling you now, and I'll say it so that everyone will know that I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm not afraid of loneliness. I'm not afraid to see things for what they are. I'm not afraid to throw off stereotypes and trappings and a facade like a heavy coat worn to rags.
Just let me tell the truth. Don't let me lie. Let me realize it, and then live it.
This is me, alone.