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The void

I am in the midst of this great void right now. I am so tired I may not know what I am talking about.

In this void I am grasping at things. I can see that I am looking for some group like me, but everywhere I turn I cannot conform to another's thoughts. In this void it's as though there are three things left to me. Zen, Ecclesiastes, and Jesus. They are the only things/people in whom I can reside completely without becoming uncomfortable because I am not being myself. The first two are a cold and void-like space that chills me, and I remain skeptical about Jesus. People seem to like different things about him, for different reasons. I seem to love Jesus with the hippies, lying in the grass feeling the earth spin ??? and being like the lilies of the field. The natural Jesus maybe ???

Who am I?

I started this journal, how many years ago, almost six now, because I couldn't see straight from stresses, because I was clinging to my creativity.

Now...

I just wish I could understand. I wish I understood.

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