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I am excited because,

After work today I'm going to Borders and using my free drink coupon and going to post more pics!

I have been looking forward to it all day.

I recognized this morning that I am in an awkward place, a crossroads, maybe, an inner search. I tried like reading about women of integrity and not paying so much attention to my appearance these past couple days but that didn't work. I am not being true to myself by doing that, which is sad, I know.

One day I feel like I'm 18. The next like I'm middle aged. It's so confusing. I want this dream of self-expression and fulfillment to last forever, but can it, truly? What will there be for me when I am older? What will there be for me when my hair turns gray? What will I be then, an old mermaid?

I will be an old mermaid. That's true.

At least I am getting a good book out of this. I knew my last novel in the trilogy needed to be about an artist's model and appearances. Now that I'm into Jane Morris and stuff and especially the psychology I feel like I have so much material. That's what I love about a personal crisis.

Okay, I have to go.

Dammit, I don't want to be an old mermaid. I'm afraid.

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