Skip to main content

A dream

I am wanted and hounded. To be sighted by another human is to be pursued. I am walking down a sunny and deserted road, when without warning, I see a bus in the distance.

I start running as fast as I can, knowing that as I can see the bus, the inhabitants therein, and there must be many, can see me also. I run sluggishly; when I need my strength I have none. I struggle against fences and barriers.

I look back to see the bus has stopped. A man is running from the bus toward me at formidable speed. I turn to run, but I feel I shouldn't bother. I will be caught.

He takes me to a house alone, and I know that he intends to kill me, but I am still thinking about my escape, and I don't feel quite afraid.

He talks to me about killing me, and the others he has killed before me. He tells me that he has made their bodies into ornaments for his home. I have an idea that I should see what he has made; that it will give me a clue for my escape, or it will fill me with horror so that I can run away, because right now my spirit is null.

I follow him into a darkly-appointed bathroom with outdated color and lighting. He hands me the skin-covered canisters where he puts his cotton balls and Q tips. They are made from human organs, cured and stiffened into round lidded boxes. I find them ugly and unremarkable, and I feel a dull horror that my body may become nothing more than one of these soon. And I wake up.

Popular posts from this blog

Studying with Dolls

In the afternoons, I usually take my laptop or a book to the bed and study, and a doll for company. Gertrude is sitting on my bed desk. I got her in 2015 from the Korean doll company Dollmore. She's a "Flocke" sculpt. Willow is sitting with my headphones. She's made by the Chinese company Angel of Dream. I got her in 2013. She's a "Qing" sculpt.

Love oneself

I have found a new barometer by which to judge my actions, or rather, it is an involuntary barometer that is improving me perhaps without my say. For every weak thing I do or begin to do, I ask myself if I would admire myself for it. I have felt so critical of myself lately, so ugly, so awful, and out of it has sprung this quest to improve myself. I don't want to become a slave to style magazines; rather, I could not admire myself for doing that. At the same time, I want to look right and decent and keep from embarrassing myself. I feel like my hygeine is always falling short, just like the housework. Every time I turn around, there's hair where hair shouldn't be, there's stuff under my toenails, my tee shirts are shrinking up and showing my stomach; to say nothing of my wildly oxidizing jewelry, scuffed shoes, &c. I don't understand why I don't see anyone else with these problems! Do they spend all their time at home cleaning their jewelry and ironing their
I realized today how closely Love's Shadow and Winter's Light truly are. LS is really the darker side of the story, and WL the lighter, making the titles so perfect! I realized as I came closer today to ending the monstrous 332-page WL some truth about LS and added a paragraph onto the end of it. I scarcely think that will explain what I realized, but it's at least a start. The thing about my writing is-- whatever wicked thing I want happens. I knew Nichol shouldn't be with Luther because he's a serial killer... even within the confines of my story it can't happen, in that world. Nichol knows it can't, but still she loves him. And so I make the story carry on... and I wondered if perhaps the story was only half-written... and I needed to write a sequel. I think I do . Just as LS is the sequel to a story I wrote long ago-- and in this strange world my characters never quite find what they're looking for, so a sequel is always needed. WL is more