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New place

This is the second lunch I've passed in this downtown Barnes and Noble. I like this place. If I worked here I would undoubtedly come here for lunch. It is going to be hard forfeiting the hour and fifteen lunches, but normal life is less stressful than this. I am not cut out for city living. I still had driving troubles today. These one way streets are so difficult. I don't understand parking, and I like finding locations that I "cain't miss" from the road. Everything is so densely packed. Everyone else seems to have walked somewhere, but I celebrate lunchtime as the time to get as far away from the work as possble with as much comfort as possible, and Subway, I'm sorry, is not comfortable.

Last night I slept from 7 p.m. to 5 a.m. when I had to call in. I have slept so much lately, but I feel in such a muddle. My head is pounding. If I were home I don't think I could put myself together enough to do any of my things.

I really long to do things, too. Writing Red Rose relit my creative world. It was very much a struggle. My very last day, Nov 30, was when it was effortless. It reminds me like a lot of things do of the Return to Innocence. That song has given me so much to consider. It's very important to me. The return from chaos to simplicity, from switched-off drudgery to active creativity, is very complicated and requires much care. For years life has seemed to me a constant process of attempting to recenter myself from the time chaos began entering my life, which was exactly half my lifetime ago. I see perfect creative facility as being perfectly centered. Writing the novel was very important to me from that standpoint. It reilluminated me, but it was very difficult.

Well, I'm going to use my last few minutes to glance over books and leave. I have learned I need to budget about fifteen extra minutes in for screw-ups. I have done stuff every time. I can't believe I drive so poorly and ineffectually in the city.

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